And now for something completely different

Imagine your favorite library, but expanded.
It has every subject and all the information and entertainment you could ever ask for. period.
Therefore, it also has all the most horrifying and mentally scarring things you can think of. and more.

Would you still go there?
I think your answer would be yes, because you can just not go into the mentally scarring section of the library, right?

Now imagine that all the books talk to you, and you have to talk to them to get the information out of them that you want. They don't always want to give you that information, but after a little teasing and if you ask nicely, you can learn about anything.

Still good?

What if there was only one shelf of books? It holds all the knowledge, and all the horrors.
It's playful teasing after you ask for information becomes the most horrible things you've ever seen.
You get what you want but at a price, until you become used to or numb towards all the horrible things.

Is it worth it now? Some would say yes.
Some would say that becoming numb toward horrifying things is horrible by itself and makes it not worth it.

Who knows?

It's worth it for me.

Differing perspective; a small thought

I took a test today, after having been absent for a week, and studying for an hour.
I got a higher grade on that test than a friend of mine who had never been absent and had studied quite a lot.
I opted to subtly not tell him my score.
He assumed this would be because I was ashamed of my low score, and didn't want him to know how badly I had done.
I actually did it because I thought he would be mildly upset by the idea that I did better than him with far less work.
Always keep in mind other peoples opinions, and perspectives.
Especially their assumptions.

Social Scale aka Coolness Level

I tried to make a model of the social scale using various levels of coolness depending on the person. Putting each person in  one of those levels, then showing how one can move up or down. This model however, didnt work correctly with my observations.

Instead I think it entirely more personal. The only thing that really matters is if you are more or less 'cool' than the one person you are interacting with at the time. This is the first impression phenomenon. Looking and acting socially suitable for a first impression can go a long way. However, if you make a bad first impression, its not the end of the world. You can still become 'cooler' regardless of how cool you are.

Think about yourself, and think about the 'cool'est person you know. Depending on your self-esteem and social skills in general, this might be a person that you hate a lot, or a person you really like. Either way, you probably want to be more like them, in one way or another. Otherwise, why are they cool to you?

'Cool' people are socially suitable. They are clean, have a fashion sense, and are usually fairly confident. You'll note that I didnt specify GOOD fashion sense. They just dont look bad. they look okay. and thats good enough, if they make up for it with confidence. I feel I've been distracted from the subject.

So! When you talk to your 'cool' person, its probable that they are 'above' you in your mind and theirs. This can be in any number of categories, coolness in general, knowledge of a certain subject you find interesting, whatever. Its kind of hard to explain the concept of being socially 'above' or 'below' another person, but I'm sure you've experienced it at some point.

Look at your relationships with your friends and family. If you're super cool, you will feel your 'friends' (or aquiantances) will be below you, and they will think so as well. They realize, as do you, that you are 'cooler' than them, for whatever reason. This isnt to say you are better than them. They respect you. Because of who you are. They dont think they could be as cool as you, and you might agree. This doesnt mean that they are inferior, it just means they are less skilled in those (or all) areas. Keep in mind that this happens on the subconscious level most of the time.

People who mutually respect each other can actually think that they are both higher or lower than the other. This isnt to say that they tell each other this, or even realize it themselves, but because they both think the other is below them, they are willing to say more about themselves without fear of repurcussions. On the other hand, if both friends think that the other is higher up than themselves, they will be constantly respectful and nice to each other. it works both ways.

Obviously true intimate relationships will feel truly equal, but those are harder to come by. If you can get one of those, you don't need this blog.

Now for the good part, assuming you are on the lower end of this social seesaw, you can change that, and i will tell you how. keep in mind that this will take time. you are trying to impress a person who has thought you were useless or perhaps annoying, if not those than at least as a crony or somesuch.

First off! Become Socially suitable!
this means
-clean
-decent clothes (just dont look bad.)
-confident enough to say your opnion, without being overconfident and starting arguments over trivial things.

The third one is really key here, you have to be forceful, with finesse.

forceful finesse.

Watch and understand your person of interest, try to realize which things they think are actually cool. if you mess up (as long as you dont do something unforgivable), you havent lost much, because you were already below them in the first place. Back to square one and try again.

Stay socially suitable and keep trying to be the person they would respect. Learn alot about a subject they are interested in. Something like that anyway.

I'm going to a movie now, so ask questions if you exist, and I'll see you next time.

Socially Suitable

So I've decided to go more in depth about something that is sort of a cornerstone of my social theories.
Being Socially Suitable means being good enough.
Good enough to talk to, good enough to date, good enough to socialize with without fear of friends being embarrassed.
In layman's terms, it means Dateable.
I chose the word suitable because it means presentable, acceptable, and dateable, all at once.
Being socially suitable is very important if you want to get anywhere with anyone.

To be socially suitable, you dont have to be megahot, or supersmart, or anything like that.
You just have to know yourself and act accordingly.
You have to be clean, for one, and smell good. Just use deodorant, dont worry about perfume or axe or cologne. Just smell... suitable.
If you dont look terribly good, for whatever reason, you have to make up for it with style, physical or otherwise, usually otherwise considering physical is the problem in the first place.
Have a good attitude, postive attitude towards people in general, but try to stay away from people who are not socially suitable. Dont be mean to them.
Keep in mind the whole reason for becoming socially suitable was so people wouldnt be embarrassed to socialize with you. If you socialize with an unsuitable person, you are stepping down a social tier.
(Which is another subject I will probably talk about later.)
So, just be clean and presentable. Hang out with other people who are clean and presentable, not only will your social status go up (even if you never talk to anyone), but your self esteem will rise as well.

Social Suitable. It's a thing.

-Newman

Church Psychology

I've found that going to church puts people in a different mindset. I'm not saying that they are better people or whatever, but when they are actually, physically, in church, they act much differently than when they do outside of church.

This is caused by several factors. In church, as long as you are in good standing, everyone is nice. usually.
Everyone is nice because being mean or hurtful is looked down upon. So far fairly simple, right?
If you go to a place where you know everyone is going to be nice, then you will likely lower your guard a bit, therefore being more willing to interact with more kinds of people. This is also why you have friends in seminary or institute that you wouldn't normally have.

Standard society is very segmented. groups, cliques, packs. They're all the same. However, when you go to church, you become, at least superficially, part of a larger pack, in which it is wrong to deny others from joining. So, in social situations run by the church, you are much more likely to get a positive reaction when approaching people to talk.

This is only partially because of how nice everyone tries to be. It also has to do with how nice they assume you are going to be. For example, If you walk up to a girl in a bar, she thinks you want to sleep with her, regardless of your actual intentions, and if you walk up to a girl at a church occasion, she will assume you dont want to sleep with her, and dont want to hurt her, and then act accordingly.

That being said, keep in mind that this is only at church occasions, everyone lives in the real world, everyone knows how most people react to them. So, if you have just left church, and are still in that mindset, you will likely say hi to someone about to enter the church building. They, however, have been outside in the 'real world' and are in that mindset, thinking you strange for reaching out.

-newman

Victim Psychology

If someone is attacked, raped, or otherwise victimized, they will often afterwards say that it was their fault.
This is a defense mechanism to regain control in their lives.
If the attack was their fault, then they can stop themselves from being attacked in the future.
Telling a victim the attack wasnt their fault, while a very good thing to do, also undermines their new sense of control over their previously traumatic life and experience

Psychology

I have decided to major in Psychology. Specifically Social Psychology if possible.
The way people decide to do the things they do and the things that influence them are very interesting to me.
I have also decided, as a way to organize my thoughts, if nothing else, to blog about my thoughts on people and their psychology. If any nobodies want to comment to agree or disagree with my observations and theories, please feel free to do so. Thank you.

-Newman