I tried to make a model of the social scale using various levels of coolness depending on the person. Putting each person in one of those levels, then showing how one can move up or down. This model however, didnt work correctly with my observations.
Instead I think it entirely more personal. The only thing that really matters is if you are more or less 'cool' than the one person you are interacting with at the time. This is the first impression phenomenon. Looking and acting socially suitable for a first impression can go a long way. However, if you make a bad first impression, its not the end of the world. You can still become 'cooler' regardless of how cool you are.
Think about yourself, and think about the 'cool'est person you know. Depending on your self-esteem and social skills in general, this might be a person that you hate a lot, or a person you really like. Either way, you probably want to be more like them, in one way or another. Otherwise, why are they cool to you?
'Cool' people are socially suitable. They are clean, have a fashion sense, and are usually fairly confident. You'll note that I didnt specify GOOD fashion sense. They just dont look bad. they look okay. and thats good enough, if they make up for it with confidence. I feel I've been distracted from the subject.
So! When you talk to your 'cool' person, its probable that they are 'above' you in your mind and theirs. This can be in any number of categories, coolness in general, knowledge of a certain subject you find interesting, whatever. Its kind of hard to explain the concept of being socially 'above' or 'below' another person, but I'm sure you've experienced it at some point.
Look at your relationships with your friends and family. If you're super cool, you will feel your 'friends' (or aquiantances) will be below you, and they will think so as well. They realize, as do you, that you are 'cooler' than them, for whatever reason. This isnt to say you are better than them. They respect you. Because of who you are. They dont think they could be as cool as you, and you might agree. This doesnt mean that they are inferior, it just means they are less skilled in those (or all) areas. Keep in mind that this happens on the subconscious level most of the time.
People who mutually respect each other can actually think that they are both higher or lower than the other. This isnt to say that they tell each other this, or even realize it themselves, but because they both think the other is below them, they are willing to say more about themselves without fear of repurcussions. On the other hand, if both friends think that the other is higher up than themselves, they will be constantly respectful and nice to each other. it works both ways.
Obviously true intimate relationships will feel truly equal, but those are harder to come by. If you can get one of those, you don't need this blog.
Now for the good part, assuming you are on the lower end of this social seesaw, you can change that, and i will tell you how. keep in mind that this will take time. you are trying to impress a person who has thought you were useless or perhaps annoying, if not those than at least as a crony or somesuch.
First off! Become Socially suitable!
this means
-clean
-decent clothes (just dont look bad.)
-confident enough to say your opnion, without being overconfident and starting arguments over trivial things.
The third one is really key here, you have to be forceful, with finesse.
forceful finesse.
Watch and understand your person of interest, try to realize which things they think are actually cool. if you mess up (as long as you dont do something unforgivable), you havent lost much, because you were already below them in the first place. Back to square one and try again.
Stay socially suitable and keep trying to be the person they would respect. Learn alot about a subject they are interested in. Something like that anyway.
I'm going to a movie now, so ask questions if you exist, and I'll see you next time.
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