A friend of mine proposed to his girlfriend at the prom recently. Romantic? Perhaps, but lets explore the reasons for and against doing so. For this discussion we assume the man and woman are romantically involved, and do in fact enjoy each others company, etc etc.
First of all, proposing at a dance where everyone is having a great time has the potential to make the night even more memorable for everyone involved. True romance has occurred here today on the dance floor. We are suddenly privy to a moment supposedly meant for just the two of them, and that makes it a special moment for us too. Once the man actually proposes however, it is up to the girl to respond. ...as we all wait with baited breath.
Now in a private proposal, if she says yes or no, it is between them alone. If she says yes, then they can enjoy a wonderful moment likely accentuated with a kiss and perhaps punctuated by even more depending on the couple. If she says no, then the man will inevitably ask why. Her decision to either answer him truthfully or not, or not answer at all, is entirely up to her. No social pressures immediately present themselves except from the proposer, and his intent is obvious.
In a public proposal other people will be witness to her reply, and in my friends case specifically, all of their close friends are watching as well. This adds layers of complexities that I would rather avoid in a proposal, personally. The girl will feel pressured by everyone witness to the proposal, indeed, how could she not, they are all waiting for her answer with baited breath. Whether she says yes or no directly affects her friends views of her, and in the case of prom, the general atmosphere of the entire party.
If she says yes publicly, there will likely be much jubilation, a kiss met with more cheers, and a wonderful moment felt by all involved. (Except perhaps the newly fiance'd girl.) She was obviously pressured to say yes because if she had said no, the exact opposite effect would have occurred.
If she had said no, there would be no jubilation. A chorus of, "Awwww, Why not?" and other such phrases would indubitably be voiced almost immediately after her answer. The crowd doesn't want the atmosphere of the party to be diminished any more than she does, however they are many, and she is one. She is the cause of the negatively charged atmosphere, and mob mentality takes over. Everyone will begin to dislike or even hate her, because she ruined a good time. No one except her closest friends, and the friends who warned her against her would be fiance, will come to her aid in this situation.
She will likely have to leave the room, feeling embarrassed, and perhaps even threatened, by the new situation presented to her. Again, only her closest friends will come to console her. Perhaps after a time her social status will return, but for that night at least, it is tainted. If she doesn't want that, she has to accept his proposal, however she truly feels about him.
In conclusion, proposing in public will likely give you a skewed answer compared to her true emotions. In public people will act differently than in private regardless of the situation. Leave the private things for private times.
TL;DR- DON'T PROPOSE IN PUBLIC, SHE MIGHT SAY YES JUST TO SAVE FACE.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Life's a game
So I want to liken social interaction to a game. A game that you start playing without knowing the rules. Some people are better at realizing what the rules are and are able to play very well. Other people cannot figure out why some people can do or say one thing and they cannot. It's all in the rules of the game.
Social interaction and relationships between people go hand in hand and without understanding of both of them you wont be able to go far in the world. There is a saying, It's not what you know, but who you know. I think this is definitely true. You can get a job somewhere much easier if you know someone who works there. You can become better friends with someone more quickly if you both have a friend in common who introduces you.
But what do you do when you don't have someone to help you? You have to play the game.
That is the purpose of this blog, to try and help people who cannot figure out the rules for themselves. I will be your person on the inside, but for every inside you ever wanted to get into. Yes, that one too perverts. It's all part of social interaction. If you can do it, then you win.
Social interaction and relationships between people go hand in hand and without understanding of both of them you wont be able to go far in the world. There is a saying, It's not what you know, but who you know. I think this is definitely true. You can get a job somewhere much easier if you know someone who works there. You can become better friends with someone more quickly if you both have a friend in common who introduces you.
But what do you do when you don't have someone to help you? You have to play the game.
That is the purpose of this blog, to try and help people who cannot figure out the rules for themselves. I will be your person on the inside, but for every inside you ever wanted to get into. Yes, that one too perverts. It's all part of social interaction. If you can do it, then you win.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Teary Theory
I thought up a possible reason for why thinking of old ex girlfriends hurts inside. It's a little bit ridiculous and pompous, so I'm sure its not the only reason. Just a random thought. Its psychology shut up I can write it here.
So you think of an intimate moment with someone you can never be with again, you can never have that kind of moment with them again. It hurts you. It makes you cry or scream or something to get out the bad emotion. My stupid theory says that this is because you can never be the person you were when you were with them ever again. You have irrevocably changed.
and people dont like change, least of all changing themselves. You want to be the same person all the time, because thats trustworthy etc, I've talked previously about stability of self and things in a previous entry. When you are reminded that you are not as stable as you think yourself to be.
You arent what you think you are. and if you dont know who or what you are, then how can you be sure you know anything? It breaks you down at the core. and of course you attribute it to the person who the memory is based around, and you already have a convenient store of emotion for that person, it all just turns bad. THEY made you feel this way. It's THEIR fault. etc.
Theres also the more surface based abandonment issues and the loss of an emotional connection. Those were a bit more obvious so I didnt think about them as much.
Anyway, my theory may be crackpot, so let me know what you think.
So you think of an intimate moment with someone you can never be with again, you can never have that kind of moment with them again. It hurts you. It makes you cry or scream or something to get out the bad emotion. My stupid theory says that this is because you can never be the person you were when you were with them ever again. You have irrevocably changed.
and people dont like change, least of all changing themselves. You want to be the same person all the time, because thats trustworthy etc, I've talked previously about stability of self and things in a previous entry. When you are reminded that you are not as stable as you think yourself to be.
You arent what you think you are. and if you dont know who or what you are, then how can you be sure you know anything? It breaks you down at the core. and of course you attribute it to the person who the memory is based around, and you already have a convenient store of emotion for that person, it all just turns bad. THEY made you feel this way. It's THEIR fault. etc.
Theres also the more surface based abandonment issues and the loss of an emotional connection. Those were a bit more obvious so I didnt think about them as much.
Anyway, my theory may be crackpot, so let me know what you think.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Schrodinger's Hand
When you talk to someone about something important or heated, the main point is to tell them your opinion and to hear theirs. In the case of politics, abortion, or other controversial topics, many people forget the second half. They care so much about their opinion and would never think of changing it, so why should they hear what anyone else has to say?
Changing your opinion publicly is so much more difficult than changing it privately. You can think what you want and change intermittently based on any new information you gain. Once you make your opinion public, however, changing it publicly makes you seem like you don't know what you want or, even worse, what you are talking about in the first place.
Besides that, you want to be a consistent person. You want to know who you are and what you like and you probably don't like change. When you commit to something, you commit to it fully. Once it is out in the open, you truly believe it, whether or not you would have changed your mind about it given new information later. You are set in your ways unintentionally by making your opinion known.
This being the case, I can't help but be reminded of Schrodinger's Cat. You don't know whether it is alive or dead until you look at it. Similarly, you don't know someone's opinion of something until they state it. It could be anything, but once they tell you, that's it. That's their opinion. Period. Some people don't like that your cat is still alive and so they will try their hardest to kill it, but it doesn't change the fact that it was alive. It was your opinion on the subject.
Before you talk to someone, you can have all the opinions you want, you can arrange your hand of cards in any way you wish. However, once you put your cards on the table, you can't change them again, that's cheating, right? Once you voice your opinion you can't easily change it again. You're stuck.
Why would you intentionally show your cards to someone and lock yourself into a certain way of being without provocation? Don't go around boasting about the opinions you hold without getting all the facts first. You can keep the cards and cat to yourself, but once someone else gets involved, you have to go all in.
Also they might kill your cat. There's some incentive.
Changing your opinion publicly is so much more difficult than changing it privately. You can think what you want and change intermittently based on any new information you gain. Once you make your opinion public, however, changing it publicly makes you seem like you don't know what you want or, even worse, what you are talking about in the first place.
Besides that, you want to be a consistent person. You want to know who you are and what you like and you probably don't like change. When you commit to something, you commit to it fully. Once it is out in the open, you truly believe it, whether or not you would have changed your mind about it given new information later. You are set in your ways unintentionally by making your opinion known.
This being the case, I can't help but be reminded of Schrodinger's Cat. You don't know whether it is alive or dead until you look at it. Similarly, you don't know someone's opinion of something until they state it. It could be anything, but once they tell you, that's it. That's their opinion. Period. Some people don't like that your cat is still alive and so they will try their hardest to kill it, but it doesn't change the fact that it was alive. It was your opinion on the subject.
Before you talk to someone, you can have all the opinions you want, you can arrange your hand of cards in any way you wish. However, once you put your cards on the table, you can't change them again, that's cheating, right? Once you voice your opinion you can't easily change it again. You're stuck.
Why would you intentionally show your cards to someone and lock yourself into a certain way of being without provocation? Don't go around boasting about the opinions you hold without getting all the facts first. You can keep the cards and cat to yourself, but once someone else gets involved, you have to go all in.
Also they might kill your cat. There's some incentive.
Friday, August 17, 2012
#FamilyTherapist
I have decided what I want my career to be.
Family Therapist.
It fits with all my requirements etc of psychology, social psychology, helping people, etc.
I can help people work together and become a better functioning family etc.
I looked up some of the requirements for becoming a family therapist today.
>10years of school/training etc.
Then I have to actually work.
I am honestly fine with this.
I like school and learning about stuff, and helping people always makes you feel good.
On a completely different note, I would like to discuss the #hashtag twitter movement... thing...
It is one of the greatest things to come into text based communication since the emoticon.
In my humble opinion anyway.
It is almost an evolution of the emoticon.
Let me explain. Please note that I use the word text to describe any kind of text communication.
Emoticons serve to set the mood of a certain text in order to let the other person better infer your tone and meaning. Without emoticons we would have to explain our feelings constantly, and who wants to do that.
#hashtags allow you to set the mood of a text in a similar way. They can set the subject or be a punchline etc. It allows you to say a word without it actually being taken in as you having said it. Almost like body language or the hidden language I talked about once before on this blog.
Finally, non-verbal communication in a text only message. Who would have thought we would ever be able to do that.
#nonverbaltext
Family Therapist.
It fits with all my requirements etc of psychology, social psychology, helping people, etc.
I can help people work together and become a better functioning family etc.
I looked up some of the requirements for becoming a family therapist today.
>10years of school/training etc.
Then I have to actually work.
I am honestly fine with this.
I like school and learning about stuff, and helping people always makes you feel good.
On a completely different note, I would like to discuss the #hashtag twitter movement... thing...
It is one of the greatest things to come into text based communication since the emoticon.
In my humble opinion anyway.
It is almost an evolution of the emoticon.
Let me explain. Please note that I use the word text to describe any kind of text communication.
Emoticons serve to set the mood of a certain text in order to let the other person better infer your tone and meaning. Without emoticons we would have to explain our feelings constantly, and who wants to do that.
#hashtags allow you to set the mood of a text in a similar way. They can set the subject or be a punchline etc. It allows you to say a word without it actually being taken in as you having said it. Almost like body language or the hidden language I talked about once before on this blog.
Finally, non-verbal communication in a text only message. Who would have thought we would ever be able to do that.
#nonverbaltext
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Personal Motivation (Personal entry)
What?
A personal entry on personal motivation on my personal blog?
The other day I inexplicably lost motivation to do anything with my life for several hours.
It confused me greatly, considering I had recently developed a mantra of sorts to attempt counteracting this.
-
Invictus
by William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul
In the fell clutch of cirsumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
finds and shall find me unafraid
It matters not how straight the gate
How charged with punishment the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul
-
This is an inspiring poem for me.
I memorized it and repeat it whenever I need a boost of will power.
However, the other day, after talking with a friend about plans to go to japan,
I lost all sense of purpose.
If I am going to go to Japan soon, I cannot afford to go to college.
I will skip college until I get back?
I will skip Japan to go to college?
But then I thought, Why am I going to Japan in the first place?
I realized that one of the biggest reasons for me wanting to go was to test and improve my skill in the Japanese language.
I did not see the point. Why should I go if it is only for me?
Why then should I go to college? Since I am obviously doing it for myself alone.
What do I want from life?
That is the real question.
In this day and age, being born into such a profitable situation, I have everything I need to survive for as long as it takes for me to die. What, then, do I live for?
I am searching for a purpose, setting fires everywhere I go, can't avoid the burns.
Song lyrics, of all things, what have I done.
MOVING ON
I pruned everything from my life that I could not convince myself was definitely going to help me later on in life. No chance.
Guitar? stopped playing.
Movies and video games? please.
Japanese, however. That will always be something that can help me in life. No chance.
I've been studying Japanese religiously for some time now.
I still suck.
I am getting better, however.
I don't feel as if I've wasted time when I study Japanese.
Everything else just makes me feel bad.
TL;DR
Do only the things that will unquestionably help you in life in order to bring yourself out of the motivational dumps.
It's working somewhat well for me.
A personal entry on personal motivation on my personal blog?
The other day I inexplicably lost motivation to do anything with my life for several hours.
It confused me greatly, considering I had recently developed a mantra of sorts to attempt counteracting this.
-
Invictus
by William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul
In the fell clutch of cirsumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
finds and shall find me unafraid
It matters not how straight the gate
How charged with punishment the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul
-
This is an inspiring poem for me.
I memorized it and repeat it whenever I need a boost of will power.
However, the other day, after talking with a friend about plans to go to japan,
I lost all sense of purpose.
If I am going to go to Japan soon, I cannot afford to go to college.
I will skip college until I get back?
I will skip Japan to go to college?
But then I thought, Why am I going to Japan in the first place?
I realized that one of the biggest reasons for me wanting to go was to test and improve my skill in the Japanese language.
I did not see the point. Why should I go if it is only for me?
Why then should I go to college? Since I am obviously doing it for myself alone.
What do I want from life?
That is the real question.
In this day and age, being born into such a profitable situation, I have everything I need to survive for as long as it takes for me to die. What, then, do I live for?
I am searching for a purpose, setting fires everywhere I go, can't avoid the burns.
Song lyrics, of all things, what have I done.
MOVING ON
I pruned everything from my life that I could not convince myself was definitely going to help me later on in life. No chance.
Guitar? stopped playing.
Movies and video games? please.
Japanese, however. That will always be something that can help me in life. No chance.
I've been studying Japanese religiously for some time now.
I still suck.
I am getting better, however.
I don't feel as if I've wasted time when I study Japanese.
Everything else just makes me feel bad.
TL;DR
Do only the things that will unquestionably help you in life in order to bring yourself out of the motivational dumps.
It's working somewhat well for me.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Impossible (to win) Situations
An Impossible Situation is a situation in which nothing the other party can do will be satisfactory to your desire.
A friend of mine sings alot, lets call him Adam. He sings in front of all of us, just nonchalantly, obviously expecting a comment of some kind. He's not bad at singing per se, and he has gotten better recently, but he is still a fair distance from random compliments. We have yet to comment on his singing at all.
Yet he continues, hoping for us to say... what exactly?
Obviously, telling the truth and saying he isn't as good as he apparently thinks he is isn't what he wants us to do.
Yet, if we compliment his singing, what then? What will he do? No compliment we can say will be what he wants, and even assuming it is, what happens next?
Does he continue singing for hopes of more compliments? No, that would be selfish etc.
Does he then stop singing after we complimented him? Perhaps, but then he might hold negative feelings thinking we expect him to sing.
Even if he does think we expect him to sing, that makes singing a chore, because it is for us now, instead of just himself.
In short, it becomes an awkward situation no matter what happens.
Nothing we can do can make this situation work. It's impossible. Therefore, Impossible Situation.
tl;dr dont expect people to do something if you dont know what you want them to do. honestly.
A friend of mine sings alot, lets call him Adam. He sings in front of all of us, just nonchalantly, obviously expecting a comment of some kind. He's not bad at singing per se, and he has gotten better recently, but he is still a fair distance from random compliments. We have yet to comment on his singing at all.
Yet he continues, hoping for us to say... what exactly?
Obviously, telling the truth and saying he isn't as good as he apparently thinks he is isn't what he wants us to do.
Yet, if we compliment his singing, what then? What will he do? No compliment we can say will be what he wants, and even assuming it is, what happens next?
Does he continue singing for hopes of more compliments? No, that would be selfish etc.
Does he then stop singing after we complimented him? Perhaps, but then he might hold negative feelings thinking we expect him to sing.
Even if he does think we expect him to sing, that makes singing a chore, because it is for us now, instead of just himself.
In short, it becomes an awkward situation no matter what happens.
Nothing we can do can make this situation work. It's impossible. Therefore, Impossible Situation.
tl;dr dont expect people to do something if you dont know what you want them to do. honestly.
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