Personal Motivation (Personal entry)

What?
A personal entry on personal motivation on my personal blog?

The other day I inexplicably lost motivation to do anything with my life for several hours.
It confused me greatly, considering I had recently developed a mantra of sorts to attempt counteracting this.

-
Invictus
by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul

In the fell clutch of cirsumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
finds and shall find me unafraid

It matters not how straight the gate
How charged with punishment the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul
-

This is an inspiring poem for me.
I memorized it and repeat it whenever I need a boost of will power.
However, the other day, after talking with a friend about plans to go to japan,
I lost all sense of purpose.

If I am going to go to Japan soon, I cannot afford to go to college.
I will skip college until I get back?
I will skip Japan to go to college?

But then I thought, Why am I going to Japan in the first place?
I realized that one of the biggest reasons for me wanting to go was to test and improve my skill in the Japanese language.

I did not see the point. Why should I go if it is only for me?
Why then should I go to college? Since I am obviously doing it for myself alone.

What do I want from life?
That is the real question.

In this day and age, being born into such a profitable situation, I have everything I need to survive for as long as it takes for me to die. What, then, do I live for?

I am searching for a purpose, setting fires everywhere I go, can't avoid the burns.

Song lyrics, of all things, what have I done.

MOVING ON

I pruned everything from my life that I could not convince myself was definitely going to help me later on in life. No chance.

Guitar? stopped playing.
Movies and video games? please.
Japanese, however. That will always be something that can help me in life. No chance.

I've been studying Japanese religiously for some time now.
I still suck.
I am getting better, however.

I don't feel as if I've wasted time when I study Japanese.
Everything else just makes me feel bad.

TL;DR

Do only the things that will unquestionably help you in life in order to bring yourself out of the motivational dumps.

It's working somewhat well for me.

Impossible (to win) Situations

An Impossible Situation is a situation in which nothing the other party can do will be satisfactory to your desire.

A friend of mine sings alot, lets call him Adam. He sings in front of all of us, just nonchalantly, obviously expecting a comment of some kind. He's not bad at singing per se, and he has gotten better recently, but he is still a fair distance from random compliments. We have yet to comment on his singing at all.

Yet he continues, hoping for us to say... what exactly?

Obviously, telling the truth and saying he isn't as good as he apparently thinks he is isn't what he wants us to do.

Yet, if we compliment his singing, what then? What will he do? No compliment we can say will be what he wants, and even assuming it is, what happens next?

Does he continue singing for hopes of more compliments? No, that would be selfish etc.

Does he then stop singing after we complimented him? Perhaps, but then he might hold negative feelings thinking we expect him to sing.

Even if he does think we expect him to sing, that makes singing a chore, because it is for us now, instead of just himself.

In short, it becomes an awkward situation no matter what happens.

Nothing we can do can make this situation work. It's impossible. Therefore, Impossible Situation.

tl;dr dont expect people to do something if you dont know what you want them to do. honestly.

Unspoken (not body) Language

So think of a time when someone offered to do something for you.
Did they really want to do it? or did they feel obligated to offer?
How can you find out?

Proper social etiquette likely dictates you should  politely decline while giving them the possibility of helping you anyway.

"Oh, it's alright, I don't want to inconvenience you." or something like that.

The reason you do this is to give them complete control over whether or not they help you.
When they offer to do something, they are putting themselves on the line, they are putting their short term fate in your hands. By declining politely, like in the example, you let them off the hook.

They will reply something like "alright" or "are you sure?"
or
"no its no trouble really" or "come on, its fine"

The first two are him retracting his offer. Yes, even the are you sure one.
The second two are him overriding you presumed hesitation presumably because he genuinely wants to assist you.

Rule of thumb being;

POLITELY decline offers of assistance. If they INSIST, then you are good to, thank them for their offer and allow them to help you. If they do ANYTHING besides insist, even ask if you're sure, etc, you move on and deal with it alone. That is, assuming you don't want to inconvenience them... or if you're not desperate.

America's spirit animal is Pedobear

I was thinking earlier today about what is considered beautiful in america.

Everything is done to make you look younger, right?
Shaved hair everywhere except the head.
obviously skincare and makeup is meant to make you look  younger.

In france they dont shave, and we make fun.
But maybe they are just more okay with older women.

America is obsessed with youth, for better or worse.
the younger you look (while still being technically legal) the more attractive you are.

therefore, america is a pedophile.

maybe.

Its my birthday. the big 20

So.
Now that I am officially not a teenager anymore, I have to be more responsible.

That doesn't necessarily mean more mature, just more responsible.

Responsibility, to me, means being clean and organized in all areas of life.
Physical body and living space.
Scheduling both yourself and your life.

Keeping up with your lifestyle is immensely important.
No giving up because its too hard or because you are lazy.
Not anymore.
You have no excuse anymore.
You have to do it.

So.
I am currently working on becoming a responsible adult.
I get up early every day and take a shower and shave.
I do all the chores I am required to do and finish before I would have gotten up normally.
Then I practice guitar or study in whatever I want until I go to work.
After work I usually relax or play guitar until bedtime.
Then I ACTUALLY GO TO BED.
Finally.
Sleep for 6-8 hours every night.
Repeat.

I will become a better person every day for the rest of my life.
To me, that is responsibility.

And now for something completely different

Imagine your favorite library, but expanded.
It has every subject and all the information and entertainment you could ever ask for. period.
Therefore, it also has all the most horrifying and mentally scarring things you can think of. and more.

Would you still go there?
I think your answer would be yes, because you can just not go into the mentally scarring section of the library, right?

Now imagine that all the books talk to you, and you have to talk to them to get the information out of them that you want. They don't always want to give you that information, but after a little teasing and if you ask nicely, you can learn about anything.

Still good?

What if there was only one shelf of books? It holds all the knowledge, and all the horrors.
It's playful teasing after you ask for information becomes the most horrible things you've ever seen.
You get what you want but at a price, until you become used to or numb towards all the horrible things.

Is it worth it now? Some would say yes.
Some would say that becoming numb toward horrifying things is horrible by itself and makes it not worth it.

Who knows?

It's worth it for me.

Differing perspective; a small thought

I took a test today, after having been absent for a week, and studying for an hour.
I got a higher grade on that test than a friend of mine who had never been absent and had studied quite a lot.
I opted to subtly not tell him my score.
He assumed this would be because I was ashamed of my low score, and didn't want him to know how badly I had done.
I actually did it because I thought he would be mildly upset by the idea that I did better than him with far less work.
Always keep in mind other peoples opinions, and perspectives.
Especially their assumptions.