So think of a time when someone offered to do something for you.
Did they really want to do it? or did they feel obligated to offer?
How can you find out?
Proper social etiquette likely dictates you should politely decline while giving them the possibility of helping you anyway.
"Oh, it's alright, I don't want to inconvenience you." or something like that.
The reason you do this is to give them complete control over whether or not they help you.
When they offer to do something, they are putting themselves on the line, they are putting their short term fate in your hands. By declining politely, like in the example, you let them off the hook.
They will reply something like "alright" or "are you sure?"
or
"no its no trouble really" or "come on, its fine"
The first two are him retracting his offer. Yes, even the are you sure one.
The second two are him overriding you presumed hesitation presumably because he genuinely wants to assist you.
Rule of thumb being;
POLITELY decline offers of assistance. If they INSIST, then you are good to, thank them for their offer and allow them to help you. If they do ANYTHING besides insist, even ask if you're sure, etc, you move on and deal with it alone. That is, assuming you don't want to inconvenience them... or if you're not desperate.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
America's spirit animal is Pedobear
I was thinking earlier today about what is considered beautiful in america.
Everything is done to make you look younger, right?
Shaved hair everywhere except the head.
obviously skincare and makeup is meant to make you look younger.
In france they dont shave, and we make fun.
But maybe they are just more okay with older women.
America is obsessed with youth, for better or worse.
the younger you look (while still being technically legal) the more attractive you are.
therefore, america is a pedophile.
maybe.
Everything is done to make you look younger, right?
Shaved hair everywhere except the head.
obviously skincare and makeup is meant to make you look younger.
In france they dont shave, and we make fun.
But maybe they are just more okay with older women.
America is obsessed with youth, for better or worse.
the younger you look (while still being technically legal) the more attractive you are.
therefore, america is a pedophile.
maybe.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Its my birthday. the big 20
So.
Now that I am officially not a teenager anymore, I have to be more responsible.
That doesn't necessarily mean more mature, just more responsible.
Responsibility, to me, means being clean and organized in all areas of life.
Physical body and living space.
Scheduling both yourself and your life.
Keeping up with your lifestyle is immensely important.
No giving up because its too hard or because you are lazy.
Not anymore.
You have no excuse anymore.
You have to do it.
So.
I am currently working on becoming a responsible adult.
I get up early every day and take a shower and shave.
I do all the chores I am required to do and finish before I would have gotten up normally.
Then I practice guitar or study in whatever I want until I go to work.
After work I usually relax or play guitar until bedtime.
Then I ACTUALLY GO TO BED.
Finally.
Sleep for 6-8 hours every night.
Repeat.
I will become a better person every day for the rest of my life.
To me, that is responsibility.
Now that I am officially not a teenager anymore, I have to be more responsible.
That doesn't necessarily mean more mature, just more responsible.
Responsibility, to me, means being clean and organized in all areas of life.
Physical body and living space.
Scheduling both yourself and your life.
Keeping up with your lifestyle is immensely important.
No giving up because its too hard or because you are lazy.
Not anymore.
You have no excuse anymore.
You have to do it.
So.
I am currently working on becoming a responsible adult.
I get up early every day and take a shower and shave.
I do all the chores I am required to do and finish before I would have gotten up normally.
Then I practice guitar or study in whatever I want until I go to work.
After work I usually relax or play guitar until bedtime.
Then I ACTUALLY GO TO BED.
Finally.
Sleep for 6-8 hours every night.
Repeat.
I will become a better person every day for the rest of my life.
To me, that is responsibility.
Monday, May 7, 2012
And now for something completely different
Imagine your favorite library, but expanded.
It has every subject and all the information and entertainment you could ever ask for. period.
Therefore, it also has all the most horrifying and mentally scarring things you can think of. and more.
Would you still go there?
I think your answer would be yes, because you can just not go into the mentally scarring section of the library, right?
Now imagine that all the books talk to you, and you have to talk to them to get the information out of them that you want. They don't always want to give you that information, but after a little teasing and if you ask nicely, you can learn about anything.
Still good?
What if there was only one shelf of books? It holds all the knowledge, and all the horrors.
It's playful teasing after you ask for information becomes the most horrible things you've ever seen.
You get what you want but at a price, until you become used to or numb towards all the horrible things.
Is it worth it now? Some would say yes.
Some would say that becoming numb toward horrifying things is horrible by itself and makes it not worth it.
Who knows?
It's worth it for me.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Differing perspective; a small thought
I took a test today, after having been absent for a week, and studying for an hour.
I got a higher grade on that test than a friend of mine who had never been absent and had studied quite a lot.
I opted to subtly not tell him my score.
He assumed this would be because I was ashamed of my low score, and didn't want him to know how badly I had done.
I actually did it because I thought he would be mildly upset by the idea that I did better than him with far less work.
Always keep in mind other peoples opinions, and perspectives.
Especially their assumptions.
I got a higher grade on that test than a friend of mine who had never been absent and had studied quite a lot.
I opted to subtly not tell him my score.
He assumed this would be because I was ashamed of my low score, and didn't want him to know how badly I had done.
I actually did it because I thought he would be mildly upset by the idea that I did better than him with far less work.
Always keep in mind other peoples opinions, and perspectives.
Especially their assumptions.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Social Scale aka Coolness Level
I tried to make a model of the social scale using various levels of coolness depending on the person. Putting each person in one of those levels, then showing how one can move up or down. This model however, didnt work correctly with my observations.
Instead I think it entirely more personal. The only thing that really matters is if you are more or less 'cool' than the one person you are interacting with at the time. This is the first impression phenomenon. Looking and acting socially suitable for a first impression can go a long way. However, if you make a bad first impression, its not the end of the world. You can still become 'cooler' regardless of how cool you are.
Think about yourself, and think about the 'cool'est person you know. Depending on your self-esteem and social skills in general, this might be a person that you hate a lot, or a person you really like. Either way, you probably want to be more like them, in one way or another. Otherwise, why are they cool to you?
'Cool' people are socially suitable. They are clean, have a fashion sense, and are usually fairly confident. You'll note that I didnt specify GOOD fashion sense. They just dont look bad. they look okay. and thats good enough, if they make up for it with confidence. I feel I've been distracted from the subject.
So! When you talk to your 'cool' person, its probable that they are 'above' you in your mind and theirs. This can be in any number of categories, coolness in general, knowledge of a certain subject you find interesting, whatever. Its kind of hard to explain the concept of being socially 'above' or 'below' another person, but I'm sure you've experienced it at some point.
Look at your relationships with your friends and family. If you're super cool, you will feel your 'friends' (or aquiantances) will be below you, and they will think so as well. They realize, as do you, that you are 'cooler' than them, for whatever reason. This isnt to say you are better than them. They respect you. Because of who you are. They dont think they could be as cool as you, and you might agree. This doesnt mean that they are inferior, it just means they are less skilled in those (or all) areas. Keep in mind that this happens on the subconscious level most of the time.
People who mutually respect each other can actually think that they are both higher or lower than the other. This isnt to say that they tell each other this, or even realize it themselves, but because they both think the other is below them, they are willing to say more about themselves without fear of repurcussions. On the other hand, if both friends think that the other is higher up than themselves, they will be constantly respectful and nice to each other. it works both ways.
Obviously true intimate relationships will feel truly equal, but those are harder to come by. If you can get one of those, you don't need this blog.
Now for the good part, assuming you are on the lower end of this social seesaw, you can change that, and i will tell you how. keep in mind that this will take time. you are trying to impress a person who has thought you were useless or perhaps annoying, if not those than at least as a crony or somesuch.
First off! Become Socially suitable!
this means
-clean
-decent clothes (just dont look bad.)
-confident enough to say your opnion, without being overconfident and starting arguments over trivial things.
The third one is really key here, you have to be forceful, with finesse.
forceful finesse.
Watch and understand your person of interest, try to realize which things they think are actually cool. if you mess up (as long as you dont do something unforgivable), you havent lost much, because you were already below them in the first place. Back to square one and try again.
Stay socially suitable and keep trying to be the person they would respect. Learn alot about a subject they are interested in. Something like that anyway.
I'm going to a movie now, so ask questions if you exist, and I'll see you next time.
Instead I think it entirely more personal. The only thing that really matters is if you are more or less 'cool' than the one person you are interacting with at the time. This is the first impression phenomenon. Looking and acting socially suitable for a first impression can go a long way. However, if you make a bad first impression, its not the end of the world. You can still become 'cooler' regardless of how cool you are.
Think about yourself, and think about the 'cool'est person you know. Depending on your self-esteem and social skills in general, this might be a person that you hate a lot, or a person you really like. Either way, you probably want to be more like them, in one way or another. Otherwise, why are they cool to you?
'Cool' people are socially suitable. They are clean, have a fashion sense, and are usually fairly confident. You'll note that I didnt specify GOOD fashion sense. They just dont look bad. they look okay. and thats good enough, if they make up for it with confidence. I feel I've been distracted from the subject.
So! When you talk to your 'cool' person, its probable that they are 'above' you in your mind and theirs. This can be in any number of categories, coolness in general, knowledge of a certain subject you find interesting, whatever. Its kind of hard to explain the concept of being socially 'above' or 'below' another person, but I'm sure you've experienced it at some point.
Look at your relationships with your friends and family. If you're super cool, you will feel your 'friends' (or aquiantances) will be below you, and they will think so as well. They realize, as do you, that you are 'cooler' than them, for whatever reason. This isnt to say you are better than them. They respect you. Because of who you are. They dont think they could be as cool as you, and you might agree. This doesnt mean that they are inferior, it just means they are less skilled in those (or all) areas. Keep in mind that this happens on the subconscious level most of the time.
People who mutually respect each other can actually think that they are both higher or lower than the other. This isnt to say that they tell each other this, or even realize it themselves, but because they both think the other is below them, they are willing to say more about themselves without fear of repurcussions. On the other hand, if both friends think that the other is higher up than themselves, they will be constantly respectful and nice to each other. it works both ways.
Obviously true intimate relationships will feel truly equal, but those are harder to come by. If you can get one of those, you don't need this blog.
Now for the good part, assuming you are on the lower end of this social seesaw, you can change that, and i will tell you how. keep in mind that this will take time. you are trying to impress a person who has thought you were useless or perhaps annoying, if not those than at least as a crony or somesuch.
First off! Become Socially suitable!
this means
-clean
-decent clothes (just dont look bad.)
-confident enough to say your opnion, without being overconfident and starting arguments over trivial things.
The third one is really key here, you have to be forceful, with finesse.
forceful finesse.
Watch and understand your person of interest, try to realize which things they think are actually cool. if you mess up (as long as you dont do something unforgivable), you havent lost much, because you were already below them in the first place. Back to square one and try again.
Stay socially suitable and keep trying to be the person they would respect. Learn alot about a subject they are interested in. Something like that anyway.
I'm going to a movie now, so ask questions if you exist, and I'll see you next time.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Socially Suitable
So I've decided to go more in depth about something that is sort of a cornerstone of my social theories.
Being Socially Suitable means being good enough.
Good enough to talk to, good enough to date, good enough to socialize with without fear of friends being embarrassed.
In layman's terms, it means Dateable.
I chose the word suitable because it means presentable, acceptable, and dateable, all at once.
Being socially suitable is very important if you want to get anywhere with anyone.
To be socially suitable, you dont have to be megahot, or supersmart, or anything like that.
You just have to know yourself and act accordingly.
You have to be clean, for one, and smell good. Just use deodorant, dont worry about perfume or axe or cologne. Just smell... suitable.
If you dont look terribly good, for whatever reason, you have to make up for it with style, physical or otherwise, usually otherwise considering physical is the problem in the first place.
Have a good attitude, postive attitude towards people in general, but try to stay away from people who are not socially suitable. Dont be mean to them.
Keep in mind the whole reason for becoming socially suitable was so people wouldnt be embarrassed to socialize with you. If you socialize with an unsuitable person, you are stepping down a social tier.
(Which is another subject I will probably talk about later.)
So, just be clean and presentable. Hang out with other people who are clean and presentable, not only will your social status go up (even if you never talk to anyone), but your self esteem will rise as well.
Social Suitable. It's a thing.
-Newman
Being Socially Suitable means being good enough.
Good enough to talk to, good enough to date, good enough to socialize with without fear of friends being embarrassed.
In layman's terms, it means Dateable.
I chose the word suitable because it means presentable, acceptable, and dateable, all at once.
Being socially suitable is very important if you want to get anywhere with anyone.
To be socially suitable, you dont have to be megahot, or supersmart, or anything like that.
You just have to know yourself and act accordingly.
You have to be clean, for one, and smell good. Just use deodorant, dont worry about perfume or axe or cologne. Just smell... suitable.
If you dont look terribly good, for whatever reason, you have to make up for it with style, physical or otherwise, usually otherwise considering physical is the problem in the first place.
Have a good attitude, postive attitude towards people in general, but try to stay away from people who are not socially suitable. Dont be mean to them.
Keep in mind the whole reason for becoming socially suitable was so people wouldnt be embarrassed to socialize with you. If you socialize with an unsuitable person, you are stepping down a social tier.
(Which is another subject I will probably talk about later.)
So, just be clean and presentable. Hang out with other people who are clean and presentable, not only will your social status go up (even if you never talk to anyone), but your self esteem will rise as well.
Social Suitable. It's a thing.
-Newman
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